Computer Hacker Job Outlook Bleak as Nearly All Personal Data has Now Been Hacked

Pyongyang, North Korea―Hyeon Kim, a graduate student at one of North Korea’s elite computer hacking academies, is concerned about his job prospects as his graduation nears.

“The jobs just aren’t there,” exclaims Kim.  “With all the recent data breaches in the United States, there really isn’t any information out there left to hack.  Between the US Office of Personnel Management, Anthem, Ebay, Home Depot, Target, and Sony PSN…just to name a few…nearly every piece of data on everyone has already been taken.”

Once considered one of the most revered professions in the Democratic People’s Republic, professional computer hackers are quickly losing status among their fellow socialist peers.

“A few years ago, an entry level computer hacker could expect sign on bonuses of up to 5 pounds of rice and a larger 60cm X 40cm portrait of the Supreme Leader [Kim Jong-un]”, says professor Boon Bae from the Mangyongdae Revolutionary School.   “However, we’ve gotten so good at what we do here, that we’ve literally worked ourselves out of a job.”